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Humor

2020 is still better than my first marriage

2020 is still better than my first marriage

Humor

Humor

I solve all my problems by creating three new ones as distractions

I solve all my problems by creating three new ones as distractions

Humor

Humor

Dear 2020, first of all i would like to let you know i'm typing this with my middle finger

Dear 2020, first of all i would like to let you know i’m typing this with my middle finger

Humor

Humor

We are 10 months into 2020 and i have enjoyed a total of 3 days max

We are 10 months into 2020 and i have enjoyed a total of 3 days max

Humor

Humor

When you're a child, you want to be a teenager. When you're a teenager, you want to be an adult. When you're an adult, you want to be a cat

When you’re a child, you want to be a teenager. When you’re a teenager, you want to be an adult. When you’re an adult, you want to be a cat

Humor

Humor

I'm so single that if i win a trip for two, i'm going twice

I’m so single that if i win a trip for two, i’m going twice

Humor

Humor

Just because he dated you for 7 years, it does not mean he will marry you. My uncle studied medicine for 6 years, now he is a DJ

Just because he dated you for 7 years, it does not mean he will marry you. My uncle studied medicine for 6 years, now he is a DJ

Humor

Humor

Of all the things i lost, i miss my metabolism the most

Of all the things i lost, i miss my metabolism the most

Humor

Humor

My 5 year plan is to make it through this year

My 5 year plan is to make it through this year

Humor

Humor

Dating isn't just about dating anymore. You are picking your potential Apocalypse partner. Choose wisely folks

Dating isn’t just about dating anymore. You are picking your potential Apocalypse partner. Choose wisely folks

Humor

Humor

I can't believe it's almost September. Literally feels like it was March just sixteen years ago

I can’t believe it’s almost September. Literally feels like it was March just sixteen years ago

Humor

Humor

I don't always do the wrong thing, but when i do, it's the wrongiest of all the wrongs that ever wronged

I don’t always do the wrong thing, but when i do, it’s the wrongiest of all the wrongs that ever wronged

Humor

Humor

There's someone for everyone, and the person for me is a psychiatrist

There’s someone for everyone, and the person for me is a psychiatrist

Humor

Humor

Never in my whole life would i have imagined that one day my hands would consume more alcohol than my mouth

Never in my whole life would i have imagined that one day my hands would consume more alcohol than my mouth

Humor

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