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Humor

Single, because why let someone else ruin your life when you're perfectly capable of doing it on your own?

Single, because why let someone else ruin your life when you’re perfectly capable of doing it on your own?

Humor

Humor

You remind me of a software update. Whenever i see you, i usually think "Not now"

You remind me of a software update. Whenever i see you, i usually think “Not now”

Humor

Humor

If i was a bird, i know who i'd shit on

If i was a bird, i know who i’d shit on

Humor

Humor

PUMP UP THE VALIUM

PUMP UP THE VALIUM

Humor

Humor

Still being single at the age of 32 just means i statistically avoided my first divorce

Still being single at the age of 32 just means i statistically avoided my first divorce

Humor

Humor

At 23:59 December 31, we all gotta take a shot and never speak of this year EVER AGAIN

At 23:59 December 31, we all gotta take a shot and never speak of this year EVER AGAIN

Humor

Humor

Every day i tell myself "Susan, you have to stop drinking so much wine.". Thankfully, my name is not Susan

Every day i tell myself “Susan, you have to stop drinking so much wine.”. Thankfully, my name is not Susan

Humor

Humor

«When Covid is over» is starting to sound like «When i win the lotto»

«When Covid is over» is starting to sound like «When i win the lotto»

Humor

Humor

2020 is still better than my first marriage

2020 is still better than my first marriage

Humor

Humor

I solve all my problems by creating three new ones as distractions

I solve all my problems by creating three new ones as distractions

Humor

Humor

Dear 2020, first of all i would like to let you know i'm typing this with my middle finger

Dear 2020, first of all i would like to let you know i’m typing this with my middle finger

Humor

Humor

We are 10 months into 2020 and i have enjoyed a total of 3 days max

We are 10 months into 2020 and i have enjoyed a total of 3 days max

Humor

Humor

When you're a child, you want to be a teenager. When you're a teenager, you want to be an adult. When you're an adult, you want to be a cat

When you’re a child, you want to be a teenager. When you’re a teenager, you want to be an adult. When you’re an adult, you want to be a cat

Humor

Humor

I'm so single that if i win a trip for two, i'm going twice

I’m so single that if i win a trip for two, i’m going twice

Humor

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