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Humor

Don't let anyone else ruin your day. It's your day. Ruin it yourself

Don’t let anyone else ruin your day. It’s your day. Ruin it yourself

Humor

Humor

I need a coffee, a vacation and a bag full of cash. That's all

I need a coffee, a vacation and a bag full of cash. That’s all

Humor

Humor

I think my problem is that i have really fantastic bad ideas

I think my problem is that i have really fantastic bad ideas

Humor

Humor

-You'll never meet someone like me -First of all, thank God

-You’ll never meet someone like me -First of all, thank God

Humor

Humor

Before social media you could just completely forget that someone existed. Good times

Before social media you could just completely forget that someone existed. Good times

Humor

Humor

Did you know 14 muscles are activated when opening a bottle of wine? Fitness is my passion

Did you know 14 muscles are activated when opening a bottle of wine? Fitness is my passion

Humor

Humor

It's easier to stay awake till 6 AM than to wake up at 6 AM

It’s easier to stay awake till 6 AM than to wake up at 6 AM

Humor

Humor

Sometimes i just want someone to hug me and say "I know it's hard. You are going to be okay. Here is chocolate and 6 million dollars"

Sometimes i just want someone to hug me and say “I know it’s hard. You are going to be okay. Here is chocolate and 6 million dollars”

Humor

Humor

Mood: Not pregnant but eating for two

Mood: Not pregnant but eating for two

Humor

Humor

Single, because why let someone else ruin your life when you're perfectly capable of doing it on your own?

Single, because why let someone else ruin your life when you’re perfectly capable of doing it on your own?

Humor

Humor

You remind me of a software update. Whenever i see you, i usually think "Not now"

You remind me of a software update. Whenever i see you, i usually think “Not now”

Humor

Humor

If i was a bird, i know who i'd shit on

If i was a bird, i know who i’d shit on

Humor

Humor

PUMP UP THE VALIUM

PUMP UP THE VALIUM

Humor

Humor

Still being single at the age of 32 just means i statistically avoided my first divorce

Still being single at the age of 32 just means i statistically avoided my first divorce

Humor

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