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Humor

Just because he dated you for 7 years, it does not mean he will marry you. My uncle studied medicine for 6 years, now he is a DJ

Just because he dated you for 7 years, it does not mean he will marry you. My uncle studied medicine for 6 years, now he is a DJ

Humor

Humor

Of all the things i lost, i miss my metabolism the most

Of all the things i lost, i miss my metabolism the most

Humor

Humor

My 5 year plan is to make it through this year

My 5 year plan is to make it through this year

Humor

Humor

Dating isn't just about dating anymore. You are picking your potential Apocalypse partner. Choose wisely folks

Dating isn’t just about dating anymore. You are picking your potential Apocalypse partner. Choose wisely folks

Humor

Humor

I can't believe it's almost September. Literally feels like it was March just sixteen years ago

I can’t believe it’s almost September. Literally feels like it was March just sixteen years ago

Humor

Humor

I don't always do the wrong thing, but when i do, it's the wrongiest of all the wrongs that ever wronged

I don’t always do the wrong thing, but when i do, it’s the wrongiest of all the wrongs that ever wronged

Humor

Humor

There's someone for everyone, and the person for me is a psychiatrist

There’s someone for everyone, and the person for me is a psychiatrist

Humor

Humor

Never in my whole life would i have imagined that one day my hands would consume more alcohol than my mouth

Never in my whole life would i have imagined that one day my hands would consume more alcohol than my mouth

Humor

Humor

When this is over, please invite me everywhere. I promise i'll go this time

When this is over, please invite me everywhere. I promise i’ll go this time

Humor

Humor

The longer i stay home, the more homeless i look

The longer i stay home, the more homeless i look

Humor

Humor

I don't care what people think about me. At least mosquitoes find me attractive

I don’t care what people think about me. At least mosquitoes find me attractive

Humor

Humor

Physically we are in August, emotionaly i'm still processing March

Physically we are in August, emotionaly i’m still processing March

Humor

Humor

I'm not adding this year 2020 to my age. I did not use it

I’m not adding this year 2020 to my age. I did not use it

Humor

Humor

Years from now we are gonna be like 2018, 2019, 2021, 2022... "Hey, you missed..." "NOPE! We don't talk about that one"

Years from now we are gonna be like 2018, 2019, 2021, 2022… “Hey, you missed…” “NOPE! We don’t talk about that one”

Humor

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